Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Drunk is not a location!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
