So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
