on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
