I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
