My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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