i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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