Umm I'm too high to move.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
