This is not my ceiling
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
