There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
