There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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