Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The feeling are messing with the penis
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
