Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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