He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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