Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
