Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Randomize
