I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
