So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
