the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
