She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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