I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
