Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
