The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
