woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
