I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
