Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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