I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
