Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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