Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
