I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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