I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
