I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
