I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
