did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I bet he comes in French.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
