She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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