Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
