I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
