how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hippo gnu deer
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
