it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
