Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
