You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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