i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
