I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
