Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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