obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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