my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
