okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
