First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
