my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
