really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm always down for nudity.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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