I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
